Comments(8) That’s what my Granny always said anyway! I feel quite a bit lighter after my nice little cry. It was like ringing out a sponge!! As soon as the weather here in MN acts like spring I’m going to plant a rose bush in honor of Lindsey. If you read my blog from yesterday, I realized today that I had the year wrong. All of that happened in 2001.
Either way, the sun is shining today!
Comments(12) If you’re in the mood for an upbeat blog this wouldn’t be it.
Today is a very special, painful blessed day. Lindsey Lou Brown was born @ 5:11 weighing in at 7lbs 11 oz. This beautiful little girl is my daughter. It’s so very seldom that I get to speak those words “my daughter”. I know that she still exists. I knew at her wake that she was gone. I also knew that this little dolly in the cherub (the body gave to Lindsey) was used for such a very short time. God did however wrap her in beauty for this trip. Standing there, looking at her pasted with makeup, wearing the pink sweater, bonnet and booties that my mom gave me, I knew with all of my heart that what I was looking at was nothing. Baby Lindsey was already long gone into God’s arms. I grieved perfectly from what my doctor had said. I even tried to comfort people who were trying to comfort me. I didn’t want them to be sad. I knew Lindsey was a gift. I knew I was Thankful for this gift so I shouldn’t complain. I know that I will hold her one day again. Just be thankful and continue to be grateful!
I’m starting to think I’ve been harboring way more grief than I knew of until today. I am so completely sad. This isn’t a selfish poor me sad. I was thinking of her birth and how I felt God so near. The first night 7 years ago today, I stared at her all night.
I took my time to cry today. Luckily my husband came home from work early so I got a bit of a break. I really needed to go through what ever it was happened today.
Memories are a miracle! I didn’t mean to bring anyone down. This is part of my growing to live a healthy life. This is my way of remembering Lindsey today. Thanks for being here.
I was blessed with 6 days with her not knowing she was sick. On May 4 2000 she stopped breathing & was taken to the ER where staff did everything they could do for her. My whole family was there. We all held her and said goodbye. She is my miracle that God sent right through me. I needed to some how celebrate her life today. Now who ever reads this has celebrated with me.
Happy Birthday Lindsey Lou! My heart is filled from your very brief stay.
Comments(6) Well I had 3 things for me to accomplish yesterday (besides the usual). I did not do pilates (I can’t find my tape), I didn’t go for a walk (I couldn’t find my feet), and I didn’t go to Curves (I couldn’t find my car). Kidding, I really can’t find my pilates tape though.
I’ll have to do something really good today but it’s going to rain. How about riding bike and stretching? I’ll go for that. I was upstairs taking a shower yesterday and when I came down I found in my kitchen (that I had just cleaned) half a dozen eggs cracked and spread all over the floor. The little vacuum was placed in the middle of it all. Then I saw that there was a shell and sticky lil foot trail going all the upstairs. 
I almost started crying and sent the turds to bed. This took awhile to clean up and about did my back in. So, I did get some exercise and squats etc.
I also recieved a counterfeit check via Fed EX!! Some dork is trying to order Avon but send me 2,000 dollars. I’m supposed to pay for the products, keep $60.00 for my trouble and forward the remainder to their landlord!!! Can you believe it??? So, I had a chat with an officer yesterday and filed a report with the big dogs. I better go now. Time to go to Mom’s Club!!
big fat hug to ya all!
Comments(7) So, my day started out busy as usual. 3 babes to get dressed and fed. 700 messes to clean up before I can even sip my coffee. Laundry fields to tackle etc. etc.
Then I got pretty busy with my Avon business stuff for a few hours. I had tummy pains, back pains…. but I have made a decision to just keep on going. I had to work at 4:30 at Curves. I got there and started chatting & eventually went to work out. Now as I sit here I realize that I wasn’t alone with my pain and I was just fine!! I really enjoyed my workout. Nothing hurt, it felt great to move!! It was fun!
I need to try to work out in some way everyday. Sitting around is the worst thing for me. (even if there’s a good reason to sit around) Any Who, my point is that I still feel good. I guess this is the revelation to myself that I need to take care of myself if I want to enjoy life!
I can sit around and pop pills for pain or I can keep moving in the right direction with the very basics. Eat right, get to a good weight, exercise in some way everyday! Sounds simple enough doesn’t it?? 
Let’s all do it. Lets do our best anyway! 
Comments(9) Hi Buds!
I’m still recovering from my hubby’s birthday weekend.
We actually had from Friday @ 6:00 to Sunday around 3:00 childless!!! It was so amazing to clean up the house and it stayed that way!! We even had people over to watch the UFC fight and the house still looked better than when our little angels are here. Of course it was great to see them after the 2 days. They had an awesome time at their grandparents. They live in the country so they helped with yard work and played outside the whole time. I really think that they needed a break as much as we did. It was some nice bonding time for us old married people also. We didn’t even go out Friday. We went grocery shopping and came home in awe of the silence.
Exciting news!! Corey (my hubby) and I decided to book a vacation to Mexico!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We haven’t been anywhere since before we were married. (like way before we were married)
It will be 5 days at an all inclusive resort. I can’t believe it!!! We just decided that we deserve a get away. We never had honey moon so this can be it!! This is going to be our major motivation to lose some weight. I don’t expect to be “HOT” in a swimming suit but it would be nice to feel comfortable.
I saw my pain Dr. yesterday. He is going to burn my SI nerves next time. This can desensitize the nerve for up to a year!! The injections have only lasted just under a month. It’s not going to be fun having it done but hopefully it’ll be worth it. I think he might do both but we’re starting with the right side. This is also pending on my insurance of course. I also started taking Cymbalta for the other pains throughout my body. I don’t really care what the cause is as long as I can feel better. If this is depression pain all the better because it can be stopped.
I don’t feel like I’m depressed though! 
Enough about that! I’m going to Mexico!!!!! 
December 10th I’ll be on a plane with my man!
I better go do something now. Laundry is growing as I sit here.
Adios Amigo’s! ( I got a D in spanish)
Comments(5) Hey as I’m all telling people to love life and be happy I found out that I’ve been suffering from some major anxiety! I’ve had these weird health issues that involve a lot of pain. I love working out and this has been limited. I have three beautiful boys who must be driving me insane.
I honestly have been feeling very grateful and content lately.
So, I was put on an antiseizure medication for my Neuropathy pain on Monday. I also take a million other pills which I would love to stop taking but I keep getting conditions that make me be a pill popper. As I mentioned in a previous blog my MRI and CT were negative. My brain is just fine. Today my vision was getting fuzzy, I almost fell twice from lack of balance and my left side once again had numbness and pain. I have to admit that I thought I might be having a stroke. I almost called 911. I had a follow up appointment anyway from the ER visit. I get there and I know my blood pressure was scary because the nurse had this blank look on her face and walked out. In the ER on Monday it was 170/100. When I left it was like 110/67. Yea, might be a little anxiety there. 
I really thought that I might be meeting our maker soon today. I was taking deep breaths and trying to keep myself calm. I was having trouble remembering things. I’m still forgetting what I”m talking about in mid sentence. Stress plays such weird tricks on our body!!! My coordination is null. I couldn’t do the walk the straight line thing. I was tipping over. That really upset me more so I”m balling cuz my body is not working right. I couldn’t even remember if I had fed my kids lunch! So, this PA consults with 2 other doctors and they decide since my brain is fine I must be having a bad reaction from all of my medicines together. Otherwise my anxiety that I’m in denial about is getting to me. My body is overriding my brain to deal with the stress. Then I thought about it. Hmmmmm I have been thinking a lot about death. I wonder everyday if my kids would remember me if I were to go soon. I think about if I end up in a bad way how my husband would deal with everything. I thought I was giving it up to God!! Then as I”m educating myself on God’s word I’m thinking about what a mess our world has become and that this could be it. That’s fine though. I”m a believer Heaven sounds like a pretty nice shack plus I know all of my children will be there. This is also the month on my Daughter’s birthday. She would be 7 this year on April 28th. Also her departure anniversary is on May 4th. I’ve had problems every year around this time. I’ve been thinking about her everyday. My parents were getting a divorce a month ago. My mom left and moved away. Well today she was on her way to my dad’s to see if he would take her back. This is how we grew up. No stability at all. I’m sensing some resentment in my self as I’m typing this!! I have no idea why I’m a freaking wreck!!! I have a brand new set of luggage under my eye’s because I wake up every time my arm goes numb. Plus I’ve been staying up late reading Revelations and Timothy because now I know that Oprah is the antichrist!! Maybe I should be hospitalized!! I told the PA none of this. I didn’t realize everything that was going on until she said they think I’m exacerbating my symptoms with anxiety. So, switch around some meds, add an anxiety med, quit the freaky seizure stuff and have a psych consult.
I was relieved that I wasn’t going to die right there and let out a huge sigh. Oh good, I’m crazy instead of extremely ill. 
Now we wait until I settle my crazy self down to see what symptoms are real and what are from anxiety. Man I have a head ache!! Imaginary strokes take a lot out of you!!! My hubby made an excellent point. I have to quit looking up conditions on the internet. One way or another even though I think I’m educating myself I must get upset with out realizing it. I’m giving it up now. There’s such a thing as too much information. Huh, that’s prolly what your thinking right now about this blog!!! Hey, I didn’t twist your arm to read this!!! The mind is a powerful thing. I’m going to try to think positive. I’m going to exercise no matter what I think hurts. I’m also going to see a shrink to see what the heck is wrong with me!! Oh yea, I’m a stuffer!! I haven’t been stuffing with food though!!
Thanks for reading my very scary thoughts!
I’m seriously worried about this Oprah thing though.
Comments(2) I just lost the last part of my blog!! The 3rd diagnosis is Neuropathy. (nerves are not working properly) I’m now very motivated to lose this weight and to be as healthy as my body allows. Let’s count our blessings and truck along!!!! 
Comments(4) Hi! I hope you all had a great weekend!!
I stayed up late Friday and Saturday. Guess what I was doing????
I can’t believe it myself, but was reading my Bible!! This is easy the best book I’ve read. I can’t believe how interested I am. Now that I”m growing as a Christian, I’m becoming a bit different than I used to be. It’s all for the better of course. It makes me really happy to know the truths of our lives. We’re here not to make as much $$ as we can. God doesn’t care what we do for a living. He cares about what’s in our heart and how we treat others. My friend came over last night and we were studying together. I said ” I know I could work on serving others more”.
To my surprise, she said “Tammy, staying at home and taking care of your children is serving the Lord!” Boy was I relieved!! I said “does that mean I don’t have to go out at night and try to save the world?” So, I’m very, very content knowing that this is where I’m supposed to be right now.
Monday I saw the neurologist. He also said my MRI was good. My symptoms are like MS but thank goodness what I have isn’t a degenerative nerve disease. 
So, I’ll see him again in a month. Monday night though my arms ached like never before. I had left side face pain, chest pain and horrific abdominal pain. I went to the ER and lucky for me my Dr. was there!! I was super glad to not have to tell the whole story to someone. Of course they had to rule out a cardiac problem first. Then I got a cocktail of Lydocaine and Maalox. This was a huge relief. Everything from my mouth to my stomach went numb. The end result was that I went home with 3 diagnosis. Esophageal Spasm, GERD (reflux of acid from stomach)
Comments(5) Well thank you ladies for the support and the reassurance that it’s OK for me to talk trash!!
Maybe I should become a truck driver too!!
My CT and MRI were both fine. I will see the neurologist on Monday. Last Wednesday the left side of my face went numb. Today it’s improved. I worked out this morning since I was at work anyway. I burned almost 400 calories so I was happy. I still have the pins and needles in my hands and feet and aching arms but I sure am relieved that I don’t have a droopy left side of my face!! Two weeks ago my belly looked like I was 7 months pregnant!! I think it was from eating crapola! So, I decided to start eating mostly fruit and veggies. I’ve already dropped a good 5 or 6 pounds. I feel better too. (besides the psycho nervous system problems).
My kids are needing some snuggles so I better go. Have a wonderful evening!!
Comments(8) You know what? I had a bit too much wine last night. I was not proud of my blog. There’s no excuse for using such language on here. So, if you read my blog I apologize for being so juvenile!
I just got back from seeing my doctor. He’s upset because he doesn’t know whats wrong with me. He’s trying to set me up with a genius neurologist for Monday. In the mean time if my face starts to droop I’m supposed to go to the ER to be put on steroids. Hmmmmm do I want to get fatter or do I want to be paralyzed? I pick fat. I’m pretty upset right now. I think I’ll go read my bible a bit. The best comfort in the world! I won’t write anymore foul language blogs anymore OK?
I decided that alcohol is not a very good idea with this stuff going on.
Peace to all!
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